Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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