I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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