I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
