we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I touched a dick in church today
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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