My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
