Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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