idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's rum buckets o'clock
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
