Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
