2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
