her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
