Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
