I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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