Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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