I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
