I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
