The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
