Where is the hickey?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
