I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
