you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
