he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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