someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
