Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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