He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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