This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
