i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
