i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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