Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
