Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
