Define "chronic" masturbator.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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