So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
