Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
