Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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