Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can you bring me the toilet please
i think my cat just said my name.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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