Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
