beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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