I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
