tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
