i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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