there was a trapeze. enough said
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
