Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
