I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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