I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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