i wish my penis had a tongue
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
did i just pee glitter
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
