Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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