a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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