Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
