everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
