is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
