I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
