remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
