Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
