i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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